Dear Kdrama Overlords,
Normally we get along just fine, you and me; you’re fun to
be around and we have a good time together. What can I say? I like your style.
But sometimes you really make me crazy with your fourth-dimensional tendencies
and poor decision-making skills. Below are a few specific issues I’d like you
to consider before our next meeting.
Autumn in My Heart
During the winter months I get at least two bloody noses a
week, yet am neither overworked nor dying. Find a new plot device already!
Did your lead couple just have a cake-and-champagne
celebration while sitting on the floor in a barn full of cows? Really? Have you
ever seen a cow? Or, more importantly, smelled one? Unless Korean cows are traditionally diapered (and maybe even
then), this scene was poorly conceived.
 |
| Autumn in My Heart: Love sans cows > Love with cows |
Can You Hear My Heart?
Why did you hire Lee Hye Young, the single most beautiful
ajumma in all of Korea, if you were just going to give her a tragic perm? She
still looks like Grace Kelly’s Asian incarnation, no matter how you try to
frump her up.
Coffee Prince
Can we please retire the phrase “charnel house,” at least in
subs intended for an American audience? Outside of a certain class of horror
movie, this is not a concept we Yankees are comfortable with.
Flower Boy Ramen Shop
Are people in Korea really smart enough to know off the top
of their heads the cyclical years of the Chinese zodiac? I feel
incredibly stupid, if so. I need a calculator to figure out how old I am
these days.
Did that teacher just ask a student out to dinner? American
teachers are discouraged from being alone with students,
while Korean (drama) teachers are hitting on their students left and right. (See also the squeamish teacher/student relationship in Heartstrings.) Let’s try not to encourage icky abuses of power and influence, okay?
Lovers
Is Korea really such a wild place that a gang war can happen
in hospital’s lobby without anyone doing anything about it? Scary.
Also, Korean gangsters should really investigate the many
and wondrous uses of guns. All this trying to stab people gets old.
Misc.
Based on the vast majority of your dramas, a salmon has a
better chance of survival after becoming a parent than the average Korean does.
Do you not care that you’re probably driving an entire nation’s life insurance
rates through the roof? Is it really all that difficult to write a character
with living parents?
My Lovely Sam Soon
I guess this is my American prejudice showing through, but it seems to me that getting your bare feet all over your sheets is an excellent reason to wash them—not how you should wash them. And I'm convinced no American has hand washed jeans since the days of Billy the Kid. Are there no laundromats in Korea?
My Sweet Seoul
I've heard that people in Asian cultures are more into saving money than Westerners, but could it really be possible that two this show’s single-girls-in-the-city are able to casually quit their jobs without batting an eyelash about how they'll pay the rent next month? Sad but true: I had to wait for my income tax return just to fit a used copy of Coffee Prince in the old budget.
Secret Garden
Kim Joo Won’s super-modern house has no paved driveway,
which means he’s always driving and parking on green grass. Yet none of that
grass ever seems to die. How? And more importantly—Why, if not specifically to annoy me? (Ultimately the mystery of the long-lived lawn is probably the most compelling thing about this show. So I guess it's a point in your column after all.)
 |
| No ruts in Secret Garden! (Other than the ones in the plot, anyway.) |
Sungkyunkwan Scandal
Remind me again how Kim Yoon Hee handles visits from Aunt
Flow while pretending to be a boy, sharing a room with two guys, and wearing a snow-white jumpsuit? I know this is a fusion sageuk and all, but at least show her furtively palming some Joseon-brand tampons.
No matter how clever you are, I know why you didn’t use the
book’s original ending: If Yoon Hee was going to work in the King’s library as
a man for the rest of her life, your drama couldn’t have a sexy ending. Getting
knocked up would blow her cover pretty quickly. (I’ll forgive you this time,
though, because I also approve of sexy endings.)
***
In light of these serious transgressions against good sense,
I have this to say: Just because you’re practically perfect in every way is no
excuse for slacking off. You’re Overlords, for the love of God—get your head in
the game!
Sincerely,
Amanda
