A not terribly long list of short latter-day lists

When I first started this blog I was exploding with Kdrama commentary, but everyone in my life greeted the concept of Korean television with a raised eyebrow and a deep sigh. So of course I took to the Internet, the world’s greatest bastion of geekish obsession.

Many of my early posts here were in the form of lists, because everything about Kdrama was sensory overload—so new and astonishingly different that I could barely synthesize my thoughts into actual articles. It recently occurred to me that it has been a long time since I put together one of those lists—which of course inspired this today’s post.

Song Joon Ki, all groomed up with nobody to marry. Take care of that problem for him, will you?

Three difficult but rewarding ways to get more hits for your Kdrama blog

1. Move to Korea. (750 hits. Who doesn’t love a fish-out-of-water blog post?)

2. Once you’re there, be cast as the token Westerner in a drama party scene. (2,000 hits. Behind-the-scenes gossip always draws crowds.)

3. After meeting Song Joon Ki while filming said party scene, marry him. (10,000 hits. Wedding pics!)

Three shockingly unshocking Kdrama plot twists

1. Amnesia. If real life is anything like dramaland, Koreans should be required by law to wear helmets at all times.

2. Birth secrets. While most Kdrama leads can barely manage a kiss, their parents tend to be randy libertines who leave trails of illegitimate children in their wake. (This usually includes the person the lead is trying to kiss, so maybe it’s just as well.)

3. The return of the first love. As soon as a lost love is mentioned, it’s only a matter of time until he or she shows up on screen.

Pretty actors, pretty flowers: Kdramas have it all.

Three scenic vistas every Kdrama director covets

1. The seasonal pleasure of cherry blossoms, which are featured in so many dramas that I suspect there must be a sign-up sheet at City Hall to prevent the violent fallout of more than one production team arriving to film them at the same time. See When a Man Loves, That Winter the Wind Blows, Lie to Me, and Hello, My Teacher, among many, many others

2. Any high place with sprawling city views. Hills, rooftops, helicopters...the Drama Overlords will use any excuse to show urban Seoul from above. See the almost-suicide scene in Shining Inheritance for an especially terrifying example.

3. The glittery sea. Although it’s a bit of a ride from Seoul, drama types are always making time in their brutal filming schedules to haul cast and crew to the seashore. See Nice Guy, Padam Padam, Flower Boy Next Door, Autumn in My Heart, and so on ad infinitum.


Three Korean idioms dramas have taught me

1. “I’ll take responsibility.”—What’s Up Fox

Usually said by a man who wants to make a serious commitment to a romantic relationship, often by marrying his sweetheart. (Or ball and chain. You be the judge.)

2. “You can come down from the mountain.”—Ojakygo Family

Indicates that someone is very skilled at something and has nothing left to learn. (I imagine it has something to do with all those mountain-dwelling wise men in Buddhist lore?)

3. “Don’t poke me in the belly button when I come home late.” —Flower Boy Next Door

A roommate’s request for the front door to be left unlocked so he can enter when he gets home. (Presumably because the doorknob of a locked door might hit you in the stomach when you tried to go inside.)

Psst...your soul is showing, Gong Yoo.

Three wildly romantic lines from Asian Dramas

1. “I’ll say this just once, so listen to me. I like you. Whether you’re a man, or an alien.... I don’t care anymore. I tried getting rid of my feelings, but I couldn’t. So let’s go, as far as we can go.”—Choi Han Gyul, Coffee Prince

2. “I’m sorry I didn’t come find you sooner. Thank you for letting me love you. Ajumma, I love you.”—Enrique Geum, Flower Boy Boy Next Door

3. “Possession is the beginning of losing. . . . Having youth is actually the beginning of losing youth. Having a marriage is actually the beginning of losing the marriage. Having reputation, it can also be lost. Having wealth is also the same. Health is also the same. Even raising a dog is the same. Possession of love . . . losing a loved one is harder to accept. Why is it that everything I pursue in life, I start losing it as soon as I gain possession of it? If I don’t have it, then I won’t have anything to lose. Now do you know the reason I don’t love you? Because possession is the beginning of losing.”—Chen You Qing, In Time with You

Three reasons why I could never be a Kdrama character

1. I prefer to avoid hard work whenever possible.

2. I hate spicy things and cower in fear at the sight of any red-tinted Korean food. The first time I tried spicy rice cakes I genuinely considered cutting my tongue out to stop the pain.

3. I’ve worn high heels four times in my life, and fallen down both publicly and spectacularly each and every one of them.

Three ways I am like a Kdrama character

1. I freak out when people wear shoes in my house. (What else is a girl who hates housework to do? Shoes = dirt.)

2. In Amandaland, Ramen constitutes a key food group.

3. I’m always falling in love with unsuitable boys. (Unfortunately, they rarely fall in love back.)

Lee Min Ho and Park Shin Hye, soon to appear together in Heirs, have shared the screen before. This Etude House ad featured Lee Min Ho getting no action whatsoever from his female lead. I can only imagine this will be good practice for any kissing scenes that may be included in their new drama.

Three Four dramas I can’t wait to watch

1. Goddess of Fire, starring Moon Geun Young and Kim Bum. This historical series about a Korean potter sounds a lot like Moon Geun Young’s Painter of the Wind, one of my favorite shows ever. On the one hand, I want it to be a drama of substance that explores the meaning and value of art, not some trifle that focuses on the geometry of the same old Kdrama love triangle. On the other hand, I want to spend its entire run squeeing fangirl-style at the lovely, boyish Kim Bum, who’s signed on to be show’s male lead. Will the show satisfy my inner Jekyll/Hyde dichotomy? We’ll see. Begins in July

2. I Hear Your Voice. Even Dramawiki’s Google-translate-level description of this show leaves me drooling:

“Jang Hye Sung (Lee Bo Young) is a bold, sassy, thick-faced, comical female lawyer. She is a prickly edge, sharp tongue who doesn’t have a bit of concept or manners and finds it hard to be enthusiastic about what she does. Cha Kwan Woo (Yoon Sang Hyun) is a serious, passionate and macho former police officer who becomes a government lawyer. Meanwhile, Park Soo Ha (Lee Jong Suk) is a 19 years old boy who has the ability or superpower to read the people's minds. Together they will team up to solve the cases no one else wants, cases that only have a one percent chance of being found innocent.”

I could live without the police procedural angle, but the characters have promise. Is it wrong that I hope the female lead ditches Yoon Sang Hyun in favor of a steamy noona romance with eternal boy/man Lee Jong Suk? (It’s definitely wrong that I’d also be down with Yoon Sang Hyun and Lee Jong Suk ditching her in favor of their own epic romance. As far as I’m concerned, their flirty, frustrated chemistry was the hottest thing about Secret Garden.) Begins in June

3. Heirs. I’m prepared to hate this show from the writer behind two of my least favorite dramas, Secret Garden and Gentleman’s Dignity. And yet...Lee Min Ho? And Park Shin Hye? That I could love. (I’m probably also the only person on planet Earth who was disappointed when Jugn Yong-hwa backed out after being cast as the show’s second lead.)

All that’s really known about this show at this point is its setting—a posh high school. Based on the track record of its writer, I can guess where it’s going, though: Park Shin Hye’s role will be reminiscent of her turn as You’re Beautiful’s ineffectual, slightly dim-witted Go Mi Nyu, while Lee Min Ho will play a snotty chaebol with a chip on his shoulder, stepping back into Jun Pyo’s bespoke shoes from Boys over Flowers. Whether this show will be good or bad, I’m not sure sure. Either way, it will doubtlessly be memorable. (It aired four years ago, but I still can’t shut up about Secret Garden, after all.) Begins in October

4 Monstar. This teen-centric show sounds as if it’s going to be a mashup of Heartstrings, Dream High, and Ma Boy (only without the cross-dressing, unfortunately). According to its dramawiki synopsis, the action will revolve around a misbehaving Kpop idol who’s sent back to high school and becomes part of the school’s band, which is full of broken, psychologically wounded misfits. (Um. It’s high school band. Doesn’t that go without saying?) Monstar even has a decent pedigree: it’s written by the screenwriter behind Arang and the Magistrate and directed by the same guy as Sungkyunkwan Scandal. Here’s hoping this show’s comparable lack of buzz in the English-language dramaweb doesn’t mean it won’t get subbed. (I only wish the male lead was a little hotter. Sorry for being shallow and superficial, but it’s true. I guess the fact that he’s a member of the boy band Beast means he has great abs, though?) Begins this Friday, May 17

Namhae bridge, the Golden Gate Bridge’s double-teired almost twin.

Three random facts about Korea

1. By population, Seoul is the world’s 11th largest city. It’s home to more people than any city in Europe or North America: Even New York City would need 2 million new residents to catch up.

2. People in Korea really are as obsessed with love as a drama watcher might guess. In addition to Valentine’s and White Day, Korea celebrates a number of other lovey holidays—including Black Day, meant just for sad-sack singles.

3. Namhae bridge, connecting Hadong Noryang and Namhae Noryang, looks like a miniature version of San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge

Three dramas that should immigrate

1. How great would a Kdrama version of Gilmore Girls be? Quippy and clever, Lorelei and Rory’s obsession with food would make them a great fit for Korean television. It’s hard to imagine how a Korean show would depict a serious rift in family relationships like the one that separates Lorelei and her parents through most of the series, though—Kdrama kids just don’t disobey the way we American types do.

2. As the magazine Entertainment Weekly pointed out earlier this spring, Answer Me 1997 is ripe for an American remake. (And if they need a technical consultant, I’d be happy to step in—one of my formative life experiences was standing below the windows of MTV’s studio in Times Square, waiting for my favorite boyband to show up.)

3. We Americans have no fun with history, but how about a version of Arang and the Magistrate set in colonial New England? The show’s tension would only be ratcheted up by the possibility of the lead being hanged as a warlock after being spotted talking to thin air.

You can still buy Pig Bunnies. Lots of them include hide recording devices—apparently the Hong sisters demographic has grown up enough to need nanny cams.

Kdrama’s three MVPs (most valuable pigs)

1. Pig Rabbit from You’re Beautiful. A Frankenstein’s monster born of the unholy union between a stuffed pig and rabbit, Pig Rabbit was the turning point in the relationship of one of Kdrama’s greatest OTPs.

2. The stuffed pig from My Lovely Sam Soon. The perfectly flawed love talisman for the perfectly flawed relationship.

3. My Girlfriend is a Gumiho’s boar. Who needs a pricy matchmaker when you can be brought together by a vicious wild animal? That’s a meet-cute you’ll love sharing with your grandchildren someday.