Hands Off: Consent and the Asian Drama Male

When I first started watching Korean drama, I spent a lot of time being preoccupied by things I don’t even notice nowadays. I would zone out for entire scenes because I was so transfixed by someone’s expert use of chopsticks, or so stunned by just how much makeup the male lead was wearing. But after two years of being the world’s most obsessed fan of Kdrama, this sort of stuff is second nature to me.

A comment on my recent review of Queen of Reversals made me realize that I’ve also become blind to something else: sexual violence. The commenter, Vivi, asked about the first kiss shared by that show’s leads. “That moment was really problematic for me,” she said. And I didn’t even remember what she was talking about, because you can only see something like this so many times before developing defense mechanisms to tune it out.

The kiss in question occurred at the very end of episode 20, with its aftermath playing out at the beginning of episode 21. In this scene, the male lead is shown as sad, upset, and a little desperate. He has just met his birth mother for the first time and discovered that she had borne and raised other children after abandoning him. It’s a snowy midwinter night and he sits on a bench surrounded by bright Christmas decorations. It’s the kind of sublimely romantic setting Kdramas are so fond of—colored lights sparkle, a scattering of snowflakes falls, and a moody rendition of “The First Noel” plays in the background.

(Spoilers and triggers ahead.)

Kdrama Kisses: A Field Guide

Korean dramas have turned me into a connoisseur of kisses.

Before my obsession began, I had probably seen tens of thousands of kisses on television and in movies. But those were mostly casual, American-style kisses, ones that fit into the plot but didn’t mean much of anything in the relationship being presented. They were usually understood to be the first step toward a more physical relationship, not the culmination of a love story.

Kdrama kisses are something else entirely: They’re serious, soul-stirring events that have real meaning and profound significance to the characters involved. They’re the main attraction, not a relationship stage to move beyond. They’re at the heart of every kdrama romance, the scene you eagerly anticipate for five, ten, or even twenty episodes. Kdrama kisses are never blasé or offhand. And they’re about as rare as unicorns, which makes them even more special.

They do, however, come in some standard varieties.

The swirlie 
(Kissus carsickus)

As seen in: Flower Boy Next Door, episode 16

Natural habitat: Shows in need of a ratings bump

Distinguishing features: Spinning camera work, surging strings, and open-mouthed intensity

In Korean dramas, a kiss is never just a kiss. It’s an opportunity for the show’s creators to indulge in all sorts of flashy cinematography—rapid cuts, slow-motion pans, and close ups so incredibly close you can actually count the pores on Lee Min Ho’s nose. The Swirlie is the king of all these showy techniques: complicated and time-consuming to film, it encourages maximum fangirl insanity by capturing the kiss at every possible angle.